LOOking FOR LOVE? PART 2

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HEY LOVE!

There are times when our search for love takes us to the wrong place at the right time or the right place at the wrong time. Whether you had a father who was physically, spiritually, emotionally and all other ‘-lly’ there for you or not, whatever ‘stand’  your father had plays a vital role in your life.  Perhaps good, perhaps bad or so-so. For the most part, until somewhere in my early 20s, I didn’t need to be in that sort of relationship. Until my college years, I doubt if I really needed to be in a regular man-woman relationship that sometimes leads to marriage. Well, is not that I wouldn’t have eventually been in a relationship supposing I had a very good father-daughter relationship. Who knows? I wish I had an answer for that! I seem to have been trying to find  a replacement sort of ‘fatherly’ love from all the wrong places.

The absence of a father from a very tender age came with its aches and disappointments. There was this yearning for something from men that I thought could play the ‘fatherly’ role in my life. I loved the attention and care but these were only short-lived. I was looking for, and wanted someone to replace an emotionally and physically absent father. There was resentment too and mistrust for men at large and the walls I built around me to overprotect myself from any further heartaches and disappointments. Disappointments and anger and hurt and pain and more heartaches. It seemed like a never-ending cycle! Factually and per experience, I have come to know that a woman’s subsequent relationships in life with other men are affected by the relationship she has or had with her father. I have no statistics here but is no hearsay.

Back in the book of Genesis, when God created man and woman and gave Eve to Adam as his wife, their marriage wasn’t just about them but also about the next generations. I believe that their fruitfulness and multiplication wasn’t just in relation to prospering in the Garden of Eden – probably representing their current world but also a huge responsibility towards their children. God’s purpose for marriage does not only relate to man and his wife but to the society as a whole. When a man and a woman come together as a husband and wife, their union does not only bring pleasure and peace to their Maker and themselves but also their children and generations beyond. A couple’s staying power in marriage affects their children’s whole make as individuals.There is the great possibility of a child to grow ‘wholly’ when growing at a solid home. A home where both parents are one in love and unity and there is peace and understanding. And in the midst of all these, the role of fatherhood cannot be underestimated. Why does satan hate marriages and the family? He continues to fight from  all angles to tear this premier institution of God apart. There is a lot of work to be done here.

The healing process is painful and uncomfortable with a lot of scars but it can only take the full grace and love of God to heal such deep wound and fill the void. Is a process that takes time and patience and work and conscious daily efforts to come out as an overcomer and a survivor. It involves brokenness, tears and forgiveness and more forgiveness.

Perhaps you are or have been in a similar situation. How do you overcome? How did you overcome?

FORGIVENESS. First, forgive yourself and forgive your father. I used to blame myself a lot for not having a ‘present’ father. I thought it was all my fault. Then it turned to anger at myself then to my father. Whatever be the reason, just forgive yourself and forgive him. He did what he thought he knew best. You are the ‘free’ one when you forgive. Whoever or however our earthly father is or was, God is OUR FATHER. He is ours. We were only lent to them(fathers) for a certain period on earth and guess who they need to be accountable to? GOD. Is not in our place to hold anything against them. Just forgive and know that we’ve still gotten a Father who loves us beyond the love of any earthly father.

LOVE YOURSELF. Love yourself and build your self-esteem. Learn more about yourself and discover wonderful things about your uniqueness.Make the best of every opportunity that comes your way and enjoy being you. You can love someone better when you love yourself best. You can only settle for the best when you don’t subject yourself to mere crumbs of life. Nothing less!

ALL MEN ARE NOT THE SAME.  When you’ve harbored so much pain and anger within for many years, it is quiet disheartening as we violently spew these emotions to another innocent victim. Don’t let another man pay another’s sin. Just because one of them behaved in a certain way doesn’t mean that they all do or are the same. NB: We should probably save this talk for another day. No pun intended. Was there even a pun? Lol. I guess we understand it from here. All men are not the same. Repeat after me. Repeat. All men are not the same. Repeat.

 

Are you in a similar situation now or have been before? How are you coping? Is it over yet?

Love,

Maame Ansaah.

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LOOking FOR LOVE? PART I

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LOVE?

LOVE. What comes to mind when ‘love‘ comes up? This world doesn’t revolve around you or I but we definitely thrive on love. Whether we give or receive it, seek or find it, we become part of or are separated from it, love has come to stay and will always be the moving force of life. The phases and faces of love.The first look on a new mother’s face as she holds her newborn after seeing the fruit of her push,sweat and gasps of breath. The sudden realization of a new father that these little eyes will look up to him in so many ways. That rushing and engulfed feeling of love that suddenly sweeps over their faces and hearts as they behold their little one -birthed from their groins. Is perhaps seen on a battlefield, as a wounded soldier is being shielded briefly within a circle of soldiers. The resounding sounds of hurried steps and a gathering dust behind the backs of his comrades as they swiftly move him to safety amidst thunderous war cries and gunshots. The unsteady yet gentle caress of a silver-haired man as he devotedly hold his dying wife of 57 years in his feeble yet firm arms. That friend who sticks his neck and fights off the school bully who never seems to get tired of shoving his best friend around on the school bus. The gentle encouragement of a teacher who still believes in a new student who is finding it hard to catch up with his new environment and make new friends. LOVE. It comes in different forms and shapes. It comes when we expect it or when we don’t deserve it. It is sometimes a tool that many negatively uses to control others for their mischievous gains. But do they succeed? Others take it for granted and many just keep on being hopeful of ‘better’ love.

You see? The Creator of Heaven and Earth thought of you and I even before the beginning of times. He had us in mind when He moved upon the surface of the earth and spoke light into existence; day or night. He gave us a place of abode. He created and brought forth whatever will be beneficial to the survival of man. Then, He made man and formed woman – all in the image and likeness of HIM;LOVE. And is all because of love. Love, love, love! Yes! Love gives meaning to life and God is LOVE. God gives meaning to our lives and when it feels like there’s no room for love in our hearts, warm up your heart in the fire of His WORD-the nourishment of our still,cold hearts. It is His nature and LOVE is HE.

Since love is too broad yet, too deep to dissect at a sitting, we may need more than ten thousands of years and even more to explain fully the mysterious nature of love. Such is GOD, or should I say LOVE? He is inexplicable, unfathomable and yet consistent in who He is and if we want to know, explain and understand love, then let’s start with Him. But can we explain Him?

Let’s start with Him, then us before others. After all, you cannot give what you don’t have? You cannot love yourself more until you’ve discovered who you are-child of GOD in love(GOD) and of GOD(love). You cannot love another until you’ve loved yourself first. And whenever our love tank seems half full or empty, we can only be filled full in GOD : not our friends, family, loved ones, career or mentor. We can only be full in Him. Love may seem hard and painful sometimes but those are the times you’ve got to love more. You either give more love from your full tank of love or you refill to be full of love from LOVE(GOD). For the Lord commands us to  love each other as He does same for us (John 15:12). He doesn’t say when we feel like loving or only when the other has shown us love for us to  reciprocate. He commands us to. It is sometimes almost humanely impossible to obey this ‘love rule’, but love is not of the flesh so we cannot rely on our flesh to love each other in trying times.

So, in looking for love, it starts with searching and seeking GOD. He found you in love but you must discover who you are in Love. 1 John 4:16 doesn’t say God has love although He has love. GOD is LOVE. He is. Is His nature and His being. He is Love.So, if we abide in GOD-LOVE, we abide in LOVE-GOD and He-LOVE abides in us. Looking for love? Search and seek GOD (LOVE) for He is Love. Finding Him, you’ve found the direct source of love. Your overflowing source of love and that is where all other streams of love flow from. Mother and child? Between lovers? Brothers and friends? Teacher and student? What kind of love? For the purest and undiluted of all forms of love spring from its source-LOVE of loves;GOD.

This is only an intro of the LOOKING FOR LOVE series. Do come back for the second part soon. Hope you had a good read. I hope love finds you or you’ve found love. ♥

Let love lead,

Maame Ansaah